I Just Need Someone To Love

I’m trying something new for my dating site blurb. Instead of saying that I like to eat vegetarian food and sushi, and that I enjoy yoga, hiking, long walks, and board games, I thought I’d try something different. So here it is. I’ll probably change it back tomorrow.

I get by with a little help from my friends
I get high with a little help from my friends [1]

While this is true, and I am extremely grateful for my friends, I want something more.

I want somebody to love
I just need someone to love [1]

I see a lot of profiles that say something like this:

I am happy with my life, and I don’t need a romantic relationship. But, it would be a nice addition.

They say that a romantic relationship would be “dessert” or “icing on the cake” or “the cherry on top”. I don’t feel that way. For me, a romantic relationship, or what I’d prefer to call a primary relationship, is not dessert; it’s the main course. I want a partner who also wants a main course, who won’t think of me as dessert. I want to be the priority in her life, as she will be in mine. Friends, relatives, kids, they all have (or will have) their own families to keep them busy, who are their priorities. My partner is the person who will stand by my side through the remainder of my life, the person who will be there for me whenever I need her, the person who will always be available when I need to talk, the person who will pick me up if I fall. She will be my soft place to land. And I will be all these things for her.

Even though it’s likely been torn out and trampled on many times, as has mine, the partner I am looking for will be brave enough to wear her heart out on her sleeve, as I will with mine. She knows that it’s a big risk, but the potential payoff is what will make life worthwhile.

When we find each other, we will both want to say this:

You’re just too good to be true
I can’t take my eyes off you
You’d be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I’m alive
You’re just too good to be true
Can’t take my eyes off you [2]


[1] Lyrics by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
[2] Lyrics by Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio

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6009 Views

6009+removed

My Match profile hit a milestone today. Six thousand women have viewed me. To be precise, six thousand and nine. Hitting the milestone made me decide to look at the profiles of the women who have viewed me most recently, pushing me past this milestone.

In one profile, S describes what she’s looking for with the following:
“I’d like a LTR with a kind considerate affectionate communicative gentleman.”
I find this interesting. I think everyone is looking for something like that. Of course, S and I are not a match. This made me wonder why we are all looking for the same thing, but none of us are compatible with one another.

I had blocked S’s profile earlier today, but I didn’t remember why. Since her profile is blocked from search, I was unable to go back and look at it. If I wanted to remember why I blocked her, I would have to page through all the profiles that I blocked, all 6,461 of them, find hers, and unblock it, so I could read it again. So of course, this is what I did. Luckily, they are sorted by profile name. Otherwise, it would have been a very difficult task. I found S’s name on the 55th page of my blocked profiles and promptly unblocked it.

OK, now I remember. She earns $150,000+ a year in her job as a lawyer. That’s the highest category, so it could be much more than $150,000. I am not in that category! She subscribes to two premium channels–both Showtime and HBO–and has a personal trainer. I remember how I felt when I first read her profile, because I began to feel that way again. I felt like she was above my paygrade. She would have a lifestyle and expectations that I would not be able to fulfill. I just wouldn’t be able to keep up with her financially. And I wouldn’t only have to keep up with her and pay my share of her lifestyle. I’d be expected to pay for it all. Because that’s the way it is.

Here is another one who made it easy for me to block her profile:
“If you are under 45, shorter than 5’11”, live farther than 50 miles away, and/or not in shape, I will NOT RESPOND and I WILL block you….no offense!”
No offense taken, and thanks for making my job easier.

The most recent woman who looked at my profile is D. She looked at my profile today, and she actually sent me a message. Her message was one of the best I’ve received. She mentioned things she liked in my profile, her words had a conversational tone to them, and she seemed very likable. But, she lives in San Diego, which is about ninety miles away from me, well beyond my range. In her own profile, she says she is looking for someone “within 0 miles of San Diego”. I’m not joking. I sent her a nice reply thanking her for the thoughtful message and wishing her luck in her search.

The next one who looked at me is C from Sherman Oaks. Sherman Oaks is in the San Fernando valley, about 70 miles from where I live. And her profile header says she’s looking for someone “within 30 miles of Sherman Oaks”. Another easy one to block.

Next was Ch from Berkeley. Berkeley is 422 miles away! And she’s “seeking men 60 – 80 within 50 miles of Berkeley”. This is discouraging.

When I was looking through my blocked profiles to find S the lawyer, I saw that there is a limit on how many profiles one can block from search on Match, and that limit is 10,000 removed profiles. Look for another blog post when I hit that auspicious milestone!

Epilog

If you are wanting to slap me hard for blocking S the lawyer, don’t despair. I reconsidered after re-reading her profile, and I sent her a message. Under what she is looking for, she included all income categories from $35,001-$50,000 all the way up to to highest $150,000+. So perhaps her expectations are not as bad as I feared.

How did all of you spend your 4th of July?